Work and Life Balance with Cheryl Bare
Cheryl Bare is a passionate entrepreneur, volunteer, and wife who wants to create opportunities for other military spouses and women. She has 10 years of work experience in various sectors including small business, local government, finance, and nonprofits. She is the host of “The Good Morning Mimosas” podcast. Additionally, works full time as the Center Manager for a nonprofit, and runs the second highest OPS Tempo Center in the Indo Pacific. Her hobbies include event planning, hiking, travel, meeting new people, and snuggling with her pooch.
How do you set boundaries?
The first component is the emotional component. The emotions you feel when you are doing something or when you're not doing something. We call it shelled. The shame and guilt that may creep in when you're doing something, but you kind of feel like maybe I should be doing this instead. A lot of people kind of have these conflicting emotions. So there's an emotional component.
Then there's what I like to call the tactical component, which is more living it out in action. Actually committing to whatever it is you find important.
When I took my full time job out here in Japan on the base that I work on, there are service members that don't get to live the base. All they have is what's on there, and our centers are the only places where they can go where rank doesn't exist. You're just there. We're there to take care of you. So one thing that is so important is that we are the Disneyland for our service members. Part of that is like literally being that source of positivity. That bright spark. But one thing I found out in delivering that I could not consistently provide that if I was not getting myself at a good, balanced, positive place. For me, that required I had a workout. I was like, “okay, something I can consistently do for myself”, because if you don't show up for yourself first, you can't succeed and other things. That's something that is hard.
One of the hardest things as an adult is relearning what you've been taught. We were taught, to be selfless, you do for others before yourself. It was always this mentality, right? But ultimately, if I don't do something for myself, I can't show up for the people I need to show up for. If it's something that is good for you, it needs to be a top priority first and foremost, period. The end.
How do we break it down? How do we get to that place?
If you look at your bank account and you look at all of the money you spent last month, it will show you what you care about. Because it's where you're putting your money. It's the same thing when it comes to time. Time is the only finite resource we have. How are you choosing to spend your finite resource? How are you choosing to allocate time?
Write down the list of things that are important to you. If you're looking at it, and you aren't spending an hour a day on your mental health, you aren't spending an hour a day on your physical well being, but you're supposed to show up for eight hours for a traditional job, then there's a huge imbalance there.
Are you having your quality time with your family?
Do you have time set aside to socialize, to check in with people that really fulfill you?
That is important.
Write it all down. It doesn't matter what it is! It could be big. It could be small. Then shape your schedule around that. Because if you take your priorities and you plan your life around it, then the things that you have to do will be better. You will be more successful at your job. You'll be more successful if you're a stay at home mom.
Now here's the thing, you're gonna write out all the things that are important to you, and then you're gonna look and you're gonna be like, I only have 24 hours a day. How the hell do I make this happen, right?
Time blocking. You need to map out and write out your priorities. Then you allocate how much time each one takes. Try it for three weeks. I promise it will make a huge difference. You have to start with necessities first. Then look at your list of what's important to you, find that bit of time, and put it in there. What has helped me go from the component of hopes and dreams to living it out is I put timers in my cell phone.
How can I make this a reality? Do I need to wake up earlier? Do I need to go to bed earlier? Do I need to change up my routines? Once I started putting the timers in my cell phone and time blocking myself in, then I could actually start living it out.
Okay, recap real quick. You're writing down what's important to you, then you're looking at what's most important, what's critical and your time blocking it. Then when you time block it, you're living it out. The timer goes off, you need that cup of coffee, you're setting everything else aside, and you're just savoring that cup of coffee, because you planned it out. Here's the hardest part: You have to have no regrets about it. Be unapologetically committed to what is best for you. If you are losing your life balance, which is 50% of this, if you're losing like your relationships, your friendships, if you're losing your wit, your humor, your everything because you're just used to being this strict rigid business person. How much living are you able to do? And at what cost is it affecting you?
Want to learn more? Check out Lia and Cheryl’s conversation HERE
